Not so successful show at A Khord. We had maybe a dozen people through the door to hear Kardinal Syn open. I went on at midnight as planned. I was two records deep, looked up and everybody was gone. WTF??? Apparently, they all left with the Kardinal. Almost a year after my last engagement at A Khord, I repeated my performance by playing for the barstaff.
It's times like this when you really start second guessing what you did. I don't think I played enough records to have driven people out, but there's always that nigling bit of doubt, that nasty little person at the back of your head screaming themselves hoarse that you played the wrong records or that nobody showed up because they already know you suck. Most of the time I can tell that vindictive motherfucker to shut his mouth. After watching people walk out on your set, however, it's tough to ignore those very real possibilities. By the time I'd arrived home, I'd almost decided to drop off all my records at the Salvation Army and sell my turntables for scrap. That may sound like the petulance of a child, but you have to appreciate that I've been DJing in one form or another since 1999. That's ten (10!) years, for anybody who's counting. If I'm not good enough now, I have to think that I probably never will be and that is about as sobering a thought as anyone will ever have.
As with many things, the light of day lends a clarity to the situation. I dragged my ass from bed on the low side of the morning and stumbled to my "studio" with every intention of packing up the whole works. But, I couldn't do it. As it turns out, I love it too much to quit. If I never play another show in public, that's OK with me, as long as can still make my monthly record order and play for the freezer and the water heater in my "studio". If the music that I love still has a place in my life, then all is right with the world.
2 comments:
I believe in you . You are good and I know you know it. It was just one of those things that can happen. I think it has more to do with the location and other events that were going on that night. ( I know the place you were spinning at is a great space .. but doesn't seem to pull a lot of people in.) OH well.. soon enough I am sure!
And you love doing it. That's what really matters.!
love ya
Been there too and it's a disconcerting and, oddly enough, a refreshing process. It can seem that people don't give a shit and that demoralizes anyone; however, it is also a recognition that you give a shit and that's empowering. If you like it, someone else does too.
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